EP: 043 Financial Secrets in Relationships w/ Jenny Olson

Welcome back to Modern Financial Wellness! I’m excited welcome back Dr. Jenny Olson for this episode, one of my favorite guests on the show so far. We're talking about one of the most complex and sometimes overlooked aspects of couples and money: financial infidelity.

If you’ve ever wondered what counts as a financial secret, how keeping money habits under wraps can impact a relationship, or how big the gap is between you and your partner’s approach to hidden spending, you won’t want to miss this episode.

Key Takeaways:

1. Financial Infidelity Is More Than Just Hiding Purchases
   Dr. Jenny Olson defines financial infidelity as intentionally doing something with money you know your partner wouldn’t approve of, and hiding it. It’s not about every little purchase, but the concealment of actions you expect would cause conflict.
2. Asymmetry Predicts Relationship Health
   The greater the gap between partners’ tendencies toward financial infidelity, the worse off the couple is—leading to less money, lower financial well-being, and decreased relationship satisfaction. Aligning values and habits is more important than just being thrifty.
3. Differences Aren’t Always Destructive—Unless They’re Secretive
   Partners can have very different approaches to money (tightwad vs. spendthrift, saver vs. spender), but when these differences are out in the open, couples can thrive. The problem comes when one or both partners start hiding financial behavior.
4. Transparency and Planned Conversations Are Crucial
   Touch base with your partner regularly about money—don’t just spring it on them when tensions are high. Scheduling money talks and setting clear parameters for what needs to be discussed helps keep communication healthy and nonjudgmental.
5. Joint Mindset Beats Scorekeeping
   Healthy couples focus on “how can we work together?” instead of “who spent more?” Moving away from tit-for-tat or exchange norms toward a communal approach—“we’re on the same team”—makes it easier to address challenges and prevent financial secrets.

You can watch the full video of our conversation on YouTube here:

You can also find the audio versions on places like Spotify, Apple Podcasts and wherever else you listen to your favorite podcasts.

READ + LISTEN + LEARN:

• “Tightwads and Spendthrifts” , by Scott Rick
• “Money Together”, by the Doug and Heather Boneparths

FIND DR. JENNY OLSON @:

• LinkedIn
• Her website