EP: 039 Sharing Financial Stress w/ Dr. Christine Hargrove
In the latest episode of Modern Financial Wellness, I’m joined by a returning favorite: Dr. Christine Hargrove. If you’ve listened before, you might remember her as Christine Hargrove during our previous conversation on couples, money, and ADHD. I’m thrilled to welcome her back as Dr. Hargrove, and even more excited that, to this day, her previous appearance is our most-downloaded and most-shared episode ever.
Today, we're tapping into her latest research about a topic that comes up in so many of our households, relationships, and financial lives: division of financial responsibilities between partners and the stress it brings. Specifically, we’re discussing her new study, “Breadwinning and Bean Counting: Exploring Perceived Couple Financial Stress Allocation in a Clinical Sample.” If you live with a partner, you’ll want to hear this.
5 Key Takeaways:
“Bean Counting” Carries the Heaviest Stress Load.
In couples, the partner who manages the day-to-day finances as the “bean counter” typically feels a larger share of the couple’s overall financial stress. Unlike the breadwinner role, which is less associated with this shared stress. The bean counter’s close, constant engagement with the household money leads to a stronger sense of responsibility and, often, anxiety.
Perceptions of Financial Stress Matter as Much as Reality.
Whether or not the numbers reflect a perfect 50/50 split, financial stress is based largely on what each partner perceives. If the bean counter feels like the split is 70/30 in their direction but the breadwinner thinks it’s 50/50, that disconnect is fertile ground for resentment, poor communication, or conflict.
Clarity and Communication Are Essential and Often Missing.
Many couples default into roles without ever truly defining them. Sitting down to intentionally name who does what, what each role entails, and what could go wrong if things slip up is a critical first step to ensuring satisfaction and avoiding feelings of being taken for granted.
Transparency is a Powerful Antidote to Stress and Resentment.
One of the quickest routes to reducing couple financial stress is simple: shared transparency over the numbers, roles, and goals. Many clients immediately feel relief when they can see the whole picture sometimes even before making any “fixes.” Avoid judgment, start with awareness, and let solutions flow from honest data.
Gender Roles and Power Dynamics Can Compound Stress, Especially for Women.
Christine’s research and clinical experience repeatedly show that women who are the primary “bean counters” often feel especially stuck, stressed, and underappreciated, particularly when they don’t have equal power over big decisions. Couples need to acknowledge these dynamics, avoid defaulting into traditional patterns, and have real conversations about fairness, workload, and what everyone actually wants.
You can watch the full video of our conversation on YouTube here:
You can also find the audio versions on places like Spotify, Apple Podcasts and wherever else you listen to your favorite podcasts.
Make sure to check out Christine's work and what's going on at the University of Georgia's "Love and Money Center" below:
FIND CHRISTINE @:
READ + LISTEN + LEARN:
- Money for Couples by Ramit Sethi